A Note to My Hillary Supporter Friends- This is my coming out letter

Hey friends. I have a secret that is going to require you to use all the amazing attributes that I absolutely love about you.  Understanding, acceptance, love, respect.  The truth is that you are some of the most loving people I know but I'm still a little scared to actually come out to you like this.  Maybe it's the posts I've seen all over social media claiming how stupid I am or how racist and bigoted and judgmental I must be.  But right now I need a friend so here it goes.

I voted for Trump.

There it is.  It's out there and I should feel so much better but I'm scared that you will judge me.  That you will treat me differently.  That you will talk about how stupid I am behind my back.  I'm afraid that you now think the worst of me and that I won't be invited to your holiday party and that you definitely won't trust me with your real feelings and that intimacy we once had will be lost.

I had hoped that we could all get along after the election was over.  I had no idea that this election was more important than all our similarities until it has been pointed out to me over and over again in the last 48 hours.

I am sorry that your candidate didn't win.  I feel for you and the disappointment that you are going through.  To tell you the truth, I thought that I would be feeling that disappointment at the end of the night but the country surprised us all didn't it?

And to say I was jumping up and down when my candidate won would be lying.  I am not political and I was not a fan of either candidate for the longest time.  But when it came down to it I had to make a decision that felt good to me.  I value truth and hold that attribute high.  I picked a non-politician for that very reason.   I concluded that the guy stumbling over the right thing to say and down right saying the wrong thing sometimes is actually telling us more of his truth than the professional lawyer that has been trained to persuade for her benefit.  This is why I voted for Trump.  Not because I agree with everything that he says.  But because I feel that he has good intentions and competent people that can accomplish things that are good for America.

I believe that you voted for your candidate for reasons that speak to you and I respect that.  There is obviously something to be said for both candidates to have the country so torn. 

And that brings me to the real reason for this note.  We are friends.  And if I'm not wrong, you want more than anything to have more love, acceptance, and respect in our country.   And I do too.

This nation needs to put aside our different political stances and just be nice to each other.  We need to develop respect for each others differences, deal with differences like adults and adopt a practice of more love and understanding no matter who the president is.  We, the people, make up this country and if there was ever anything that could bind us during this time, it would be love, love for the country and for each other.  

Let's show the world how amazing Americans really are.  Let's show respect for everyone.  Let's believe in the good of everyone.  Let's not judge others for their beliefs.  Let's raise good kids and create a great future because we all know that what happens in our own house is much more important than what happens in the white house.  Let's do this together as friends.

I hope you feel better soon and I love you!

Em

20 Thoughts On Having Six Children

One of the last posts I wrote mentioned how I just wanted to, "leave this year open to a little mystery.  Kind of a feeling of letting the wind take me where it will."  So it seems as if the wind has blown me towards a familiar land...baby island.  

I know it's been a long time since my last post but with good reason.  We found out that we were expecting our sixth child in February of this year.  It was a little bit of a surprise but the best kind we could have imagined.  The expecting and arrival of Thea has been just what our family needed.  

I do realize though... that the idea of a large family is foreign to most people (especially outside of our state) and so I have decided to share: 


20 Thoughts and Facts I've Found on Having Six Children 

1.  Fact:  Surveys in recent years show that less than 2% of families today have 6 kids and .5% of families have 7 kids or more.  This means that I now belong to a very elite and little understood group of super women.

2.  I cannot count the number of times people have stopped me at the store with, "Oh my!  Are they are yours?" or "You have your hands full!"  or my favorite, "Are they all from one father?"  Honestly I enjoy it. There is a sense of accomplishment knowing that I do something every day that few other women can imagine possible and with a smile to boot!

3.   Did you know that those who do have six children are presumed to be very religious or not very educated or both. My husband and I are religious, well-educated, and just love children. (Well at least our children.)

4.  Studies show having six children can be the mark of the eccentric or the genius. The psychologist Alison Gopnik wrote a very fine essay about her brilliant, eccentric parents and the six children they produced, including, besides Alison, her brother Adam, the New Yorker writer, and her brother Blake, the art critic. The novelist and director Galt Niederhoffer is one of six daughters; their father is, according to The New York Times, “one of the most successful (and most idiosyncratic) money managers in the nation.” I claim to be both eccentric and genius.  haha

5.   I am very mindful that many people want more children than they have but have been unable to have them. My hubby and I talk about how lucky we are every day.

6.  We all want to leave something behind when we leave this world and if all else fails I will leave progeny. Not a bad legacy if you ask me.

7.  And I won’t be lonely in old age. Maybe they won’t all love me and take care of me, but the odds are good that one of them will. Maybe two.

8.  I come from a thrifty upbringing which I love and think more people should adopt.  And now, finally, having our cute little sixth addition has given me the power I was lacking before, to instill these beliefs in my kids. 

9.  Up until now I have been in a tug-of-war between the belief of giving my kids things that I didn't have so they wouldn't be deprived or left out, and the belief that sometimes the answer is no and that they will have to earn or wait until its right.  Now I clearly can say no to things we don't need and not feel guilt.   I can explain to the kids that it’s because of our sacrifices that this family works.  We are not like the majority of families.  Sometimes we will have to make sacrifices but we also have things that some other families might not.    This is just one of the many lessons that I think kids can learn from growing up in a large family.

10.   No, I don't like pregnancy, at all. I'm not sentimental about it. I literally told my doctor before I knew that I was pregnant that if I ever was pregnant again it would kill me.  I had to come back two weeks later, tail between my legs, for my first prenatal visit.  I'm not going to lie...everyone in his office had a good laugh about it. 

11.  One of the joys I got during this pregnancy was having everyone ask if this was my first.  I always took it as a compliment and then loved shocking them when I said, "No we have a few more.  This is our sixth."  Always put a smile on my face no matter how awful I was feeling.

12.  One of the unexpected joys of parenting this many kids is that it has given me new reasons to admire my husband.  He is awesome!  I don't think I would have known how amazing he could be if we had only had one or two children.  I tend to take control in the parenting department and it wasn't until I knew I couldn't control all the kids by myself that he blossomed into this amazing dad!  And I give him props for patience.  Patience with me in the early days as I tried to do everything by myself and patience with the kids which include 4 dramatic daughters.

13.  And he was raised to do this job.  His 3 sisters did a very good job of teaching him how to be an awesome, understanding man surrounded by beautiful women. 

14.  Having six kids has opened up a whole new world to me.  People all the time are telling me about how they grew up in a big family, like 8-10 kids, and how they want that too.  These are people I have known for years and we have never had these conversations before.  I'm not sure if it's because people are afraid to admit it until they are with other large families or what but I love being a member of this new club.

15.  I have come up with unique ways to deal with the responsibility.  Sometimes when I get the chance to be in the car alone, I blast the radio in the old minivan and pretend I'm 20 again with no kids.  And sometimes I get mad that I'm in a minivan because it ruins the whole illusion. 

16.  Yes, I am very tired. 

17.  But I use my fatigue like a super power.  It's like the Hulk and his anger.  The secret is that I'm always tired.  You can control it when it’s constantly with you!  I'm not sure what I would do it I was ever well rested. 

18.  There are things I miss about life before parenthood.  Showering without interruptions.  Conversation with the hubs without interruptions.  Sleep without interruptions.  (I'm starting to see a pattern here.)

19.  But those interruptions are the cutest little things ever and most of the time they are jumping into my conversations to tell me something they are so excited about.  Or jumping into my bed because they know I can make it all better.  It's nice to be surrounded by people that still have a lust for life and who need me wholeheartedly.  Someday they won't. 

20.  We're happy!  Yes life can be hectic and weekend dates can't come soon enough, but I would not change it for anything.  Family is everything to me and I have created a life surrounded by what I love most.  There is nothing better than that!

This article was inspired by Mark Oppenheimer's post Forty Thoughts on a Fourth Daughter.  You can read it here.

Just a note about boys and men

The last few weeks I've had the joy of picking up the kids from school because they might be a little spoiled  and "cant walk in the cold snow".  haha.  Being there everyday, I have started noticing a few things.

 For example, the mom who puts handsanitizer on her gloved hands before and after she enters the school  and who knows how many times in between.

or The grandpa, that at first glance looks like a creeper that should be reported for lurking around the school but who turns into a little child himself when his two grand kids come running to him.

 or The large amount of stick figure families on the back of the herd of mini vans.  Ugh.

But the thing that got me really thinking was what happens after the bell rings. I started to notice that as the bell tolled, the first kids to come bounding out those doors everyday were always joyful little boys.  They did not just mosey out of the school, but exploded out with laughter and freedom on their faces.  They were free!  They had done their time and were now on to better things!  I started to think, "what a shame that these creatures are the same ones that would be required to spend their days couped up in an office, day in and day out, as they got older and took on the responsibility of being a supporter."

These days a lot of little boys have grown up and decided to continue being little boys.  College enrollment for males has dropped significantly during the last few years and the amount of dads walking away from the responsibilities of raising their children is staggering.  A problem us moms need to help eradicate in the future.

But Today I am thankful for the men in my life that have decided to take on the mantle of manhood.  To take responsibility for their actions, and to work hard every day to support themselves and their families.  To continue their education and learn not only the things they need to help their careers, but also to learn the things that will help the world: ethics, manners, and respect.  Namely, I am so thankful for my husband and how hard he works to keep me and the five littles happy.   And thank you to all the other men out there that are doing the same so that this world will be a little better for my children.